the pain makes me remember i am alive

May 22, 2008 at 10:13 pm | Posted in mental health journal | Leave a comment

(10:02:38 PM) onbrokenice: whats up alec
(10:02:43 PM) ahw00: grah
(10:02:52 PM) ahw00: just got back from bazbeauxz w/ ehw
(10:03:00 PM) onbrokenice: how was that
(10:03:28 PM) ahw00: it was fine had a beer w/ my bro but there were all these yuppie hamilton county republican fucks there and it harshed my buzzzzzz u know
(10:03:34 PM) onbrokenice: haha
(10:04:15 PM) ahw00: I am going to get in so many bar fights later in life
(10:04:26 PM) onbrokenice: o jeez
(10:04:27 PM) onbrokenice: that guy
(10:04:30 PM) onbrokenice: thats what i do when i am drunk
(10:04:34 PM) onbrokenice: good thing im not in a bar
(10:05:09 PM) ahw00: and it wasn’t even about dumb shit this guy was all like ALL ENVIRONMENTALISTS ARE DOUCHEBAGS and they had the hdtvs on fox news hannity & colmes adn grararfogihaerfih
(10:05:33 PM) ahw00: I was so ready to break a rollin rock bottle on this fuckers forehead
(10:05:57 PM) ahw00: YOU ARE THE REASON GAS IS $4 A GALLON YOU W04 BASTARD
(10:06:17 PM) ahw00: I’ll spend a night in noblesville for my beliefs
(10:07:00 PM) onbrokenice: barfights wont change anything though
(10:07:06 PM) ahw00: yeahz
(10:08:35 PM) ahw00: it wasn’t like damn nigga why you gotta step on my nikes son it was like I am morally opposed to your way of life and you would look better w/ glass embedded in yr forehead
(10:09:05 PM) onbrokenice: nikes are better
(10:09:06 PM) onbrokenice: lol
(10:09:11 PM) ahw00: nikes are better

r u looking to BUY Bacheelor/MasteerMBA/Doctoraate dip1omas? read more her bsxt krsgnc jza

May 7, 2008 at 6:17 pm | Posted in mental health journal | Leave a comment
Emilio Maldonado to me
show details 2:21 AM (15 hours ago)
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joy division on youtube is my generation’s beatles on ed sullivan

April 5, 2008 at 6:27 am | Posted in links or some shit, mental health journal | Leave a comment

Joy Division - Transmision 1979

BiPolar Bear

August 2, 2007 at 4:18 pm | Posted in mental health journal, my desktop | Leave a comment

I have had a lot of problems with control …. But I can convey this

to you…

Lows are followed by Highs and the If you can keep highs in control..

the lows will be better … It is ok to sleep but only for hour or so during

the day…

To control Lows you must do something you enjoy … If this

happens your highs will be in control… with Medication… too …

Lows will come not so low and there again you should keep active

only with thinks that keep your mind from running top speed…

Hope this will help you… It is a battle but well worth the work

it takes…

Grandpa … Glenn

low authorit\arinanssssaism

July 11, 2007 at 5:46 pm | Posted in gbs, mental health journal | Leave a comment
Benevolent Creator

page 4

June 9, 2007 at 11:45 pm | Posted in mental health journal, my desktop | Leave a comment

4:30pm MAW, MHW, came tyo family froup. and visited from 2p to 4:30pm Also EHW brought his old Birkenstocks asa well as two poloi shirts 6 ice mountain spring waters, Kurt Vonnegut’s the Sirens of Titan, and most importantly, Philip K. Dick’s

VALIS

which is his exegisis, much of which was written during the author’s extended stay in a mental health facility sucha s this pone. It is autobiographical and a perfect counterpoint to TIMEQUAKE.

It is also the most appropriate book to read while in a facility of this kind.

PKD was crazy. He took thousands of amphetamine pills. He was also genius. Twentyfive years after his death his works are more relevent than ever (plus you sure can make a killer movie screenplay out of him). I believe wholeheartedly thtat decades from now PKD will be seen as a prophet of the MENTAL HEALTH ENVIRONMENT, as high literature, as roman a clef fiction, and not as sci-fi pulp.

page 3

June 9, 2007 at 11:36 pm | Posted in mental health journal | Leave a comment

1:34p as is customary when meeting a professional in this country, and furthermore is my custom.

Over the course of the NEXT 45 MIN. or so, Danny would ask my for my name an additional four times, and call me ALEX twice.

Danny holds authority over me and my peers. Continuous, frustrating intractions with authority figures (as well as AUTHORITARIANS)

are what land people in mental health facilities in the first place. The face that Danny did not expect me, an inpatient, to offfer my hand as an introduction, or to expect him to correctly remember my name is a constant frustration. Anger at the system inevitablyr results in a longer stay. and eventual committment.

1:46p Philip K. Dick spent months in facilities such as this one. He is my daily inspiration, my mentor, confidant, and friend. He was also terminally insane, either from his own drug use (which according to his daughter on the commentary track to the “A Scanner Darkly” (2006) DVD, was limited to amphetamines. He would have loved adderrol XR). , or perhaps simply from the over-exposure to the mental health environment of Southern California in the 1960′s.

2p visitation. expecting EHW and possibly Amy. 3pgs/hr is a decent rate

page 2

June 9, 2007 at 11:30 pm | Posted in mental health journal | Leave a comment

1:20p

Than I do most authority figures, including staff clinicians, law enforcement, and my parents. This goes without saying. I’m not writing this for me, you realize. Hi. How are you?

Yesterday, my parents visited from 6p-7, bringing a bag of clothes and toiletries. Said bag awas clearly labelled in BLACK SHARPIE on white tape, “ALEC W.” This bag would need to be inspected for contraband, of course, adding yet another level of bureacrazy crazy bureau bureacracy? to this whole ordeal.

Neal, a simpatico, would inspect it as superficially as he woiuld allow himself, out of respect for me and my privacy, which I certainly apprecitate.

however.

My bag resided under the desk at which a staff member, bald, quadrupally piercecd with gold hoop earriongs and sporting (NO JOKE) Rose-tinted glasses, sat. Danny, “I’ve only been on this UNIT for THREE DAYS!” he snapped.

I asked him for my bag. “Which bag?” – the one by yr foot w/ my name on it – (In fact, the only bag in sight, clearly labelled) “What is your name?” – Alec. A L E C. – it says so on my bag. – I shook his hand

page 1

June 9, 2007 at 11:24 pm | Posted in mental health journal, my desktop | Leave a comment

5/20

2007

1pm

Talked with Vjay after lunch.

An Argentine supporter, his favorite team is (Maradona’s ) BOCA Juniors. Grr.

In the 4th grade I dedicated my support

to the Red and White of RIVER PLATE ,

an entirely arbitrary decision which has arbitrarily created a conflict, however trivial, between my closest peer in this facility and myself.

At least he’s no ROMAnisto.

Vijay is one of many fascinating characters in this locked down facility. The dozen or so I have interacted with have given me endlesss food for thought as to the nature of my own insanity.

Only two people on the UNIT can truly be considered certifiably bonkers:

1.) Anna G, ex-stripper, porn star, and groupie, whose psychosis is typical of that sort of female. (see Jessica Silottto).

2.) Diana, who has suffered some sort of amnesia. she is the nice sort of crazy. I helped her locate her clearly labelled room this morning.

Despite their insanity, or perhaps on account of it, I value these characters opinions MORE

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