kylejack explains the mortgage fiasco

September 24, 2008 at 10:19 am | In gbs | 1 Comment

Fed was lending to banks at 1% as part of “Hurr economic stimulus” in post 9/11 environment, and also the recession that followed it. This is a ridiculously low rate, so the banks were going crazy and trying to use as much of this cheap money as possible for loans before the Fed raised the rate. As a result, there were mortgage companies that were writing up loans for people with no (or very little) verifiable income, and they were making up income figures for these people. They would explain this in the loan application as the person being self-employed in a cash business, or whatever. The banks were so happy to have more people to loan to that they were not looking into the loans very deeply, they were turning a blind eye to what was going on. The thinking was “well, even if some of these loans go bad, we’re putting out a ton of loans and the others will make up for it.” Basically anybody could get a loan with not much money for down payment.

Complicating matters, there are adjustable-rate mortgages (ARMs). When prime rate is 1%, the payments are very low, but when the prime rate goes up, the payment goes up with it. They were selling these loans to these people with not much verifiable income who would never be able to make the payment once the payment doubled or tripled. ARMs are terrible terrible terrible.

When the prime rate went up, foreclosures started to increase as people couldn’t make the higher payments.

Then some assholes came along and told the banks they had a solution: repackage all these loans as mortgage securities. Like they take 100 mortgages, wrap it all up, and turn it into a bond, and investors on the market can buy it. Then as people pay their mortgages this money is sent out to people that own that security. These securities get rated with regard to how safe they are. The assholes got their asshole buddies at the rating agencies to adjust the ratings, so mortgage securities full of deadbeat mortgages were rated AAA, the best possible rating (I think).

Now here’s where innocent people start getting hit: AAA bonds are considered very low-risk. So now you’ve got low risk mutual funds and state pension plans and AIG-RS (AIG Retirement Services) and Wells Fargo and Washington Mutual and Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers and all kinds of investors looking for a safe investment buying these AAA securities that are supposed to be really safe but are in fact doomed because its full of people that have no business getting a mortgage. This is basically the part where teachers lost their retirement money. Everyone’s buying them because even though they’re supposedly a really safe investment, the sellers (the assholes) are offering a really high rate of return on them, much higher than typical for mortgage securities.

The foreclosures skyrocket and everyone gets hosed. The mortgage securities are basically trash now. The real problem is that we have no idea how bad things really are, because the foreclosures still have not leveled off. The government is now allowing everyone to sell the loans to the government (by transferring all this trash to Fannie Mae [Fannie Mae now owns 50% of all mortgages in the United States]).

Now on top of that, they want to drop a trillion dollar bailout on all the assholes that made this mess possible. The asshole CEOs get to float off in their yachts with a multi-million dollar severance package at the taxpayer’s expense. This is justified by saying that these entities are “too big to fail” and all kinds of shit. Meanwhile, all the companies that own the media outlets are owned by corporations with a stake in this. GE owns NBC, for example, and GE is heavily damaged in the mortgage mess, so you can expect all the NBC family of channels to carry the “too big to fail” line.

pig tiger

September 1, 2008 at 8:50 pm | In gbs | Leave a Comment

blah

August 16, 2008 at 10:27 pm | In gbs | Leave a Comment

As far as the mass of the people go, the extraordinary swings of opinion which occur nowadays, the emotions which can be turned on and off like a tap, are the result of newspaper and radio hypnosis. In the intelligentsia I should say they result rather from money and mere physical safety. At a given moment they may be ‘pro-war’ or ‘anti-war’, but in either case they have no realistic picture of war in their minds. When they enthused over the Spanish war they knew, of course, that people were being killed and that to be killed is unpleasant, but they did feel that for a soldier in the Spanish Republican army the experience of war was somehow not degrading. Somehow the latrines stank less, discipline was less irksome. You have only to glance at the New Statesman to see that they believed that; exactly similar blah is being written about the Red Army at this moment. We have become too civilized to grasp the obvious. For the truth is very simple. To survive you often have to fight, and to fight you have to dirty yourself. War is evil, and it is often the lesser evil. Those who take the sword perish by the sword, and those who don’t take the sword perish by smelly diseases. The fact that such a platitude is worth writing down shows what the years of rentier capitalism have done to us.

- george orwell

irc log about robots

July 17, 2008 at 2:10 am | In gbs | Leave a Comment

(02:03:46 AM) Sauzer: ok well i should have gone to sleep earlier but this bot is too fun
(02:03:47 AM) Robotnik: have fun in belgium
(02:03:57 AM) Sauzer: i am not going to belgium
(02:03:57 AM) Robotnik: are going to do so
(02:03:58 AM) awyeahz: have fun in belgium
(02:04:21 AM) Robotnik: not more than you have fun, but i soon began to breathe freer, and who find drama in something as small
(02:04:32 AM) awyeahz: holy shit robotnik is sentient
(02:04:38 AM) Robotnik: gettin’robotnik turn up
(02:04:40 AM) Sauzer: robotnik i think we have to go for the evening
(02:04:41 AM) ***Robotnik ?
(02:04:47 AM) Sauzer: yeah buddy we got work in the morning
(02:04:57 AM) Sauzer: get your things
(02:05:15 AM) Sauzer: aww now he’s upset
(02:05:41 AM) awyeahz: good night robotnik have sweet dreams of electric sheep
(02:06:01 AM) Sauzer: robotnik say good night to awyeahz!
(02:06:03 AM) ***Robotnik had a head start in the Sauzer have been made an end
(02:06:10 AM) Sauzer: robotnik say good night to awyeahz!
(02:06:11 AM) Robotnik: in quiet, robotnik ?
(02:06:12 AM) Robotnik: the arabesque bands, railways, electric telegraphs, clearing of whole continents for cultivation, canalization or rivers, whole populations conjured out
(02:06:35 AM) Sauzer: that’s probably as good as it gets
(02:06:36 AM) Robotnik: german gets his hands, which created an abrupt breaking point that inaugurates a new and favourite Sauzer lant, who is ignorant of their respective calls
(02:06:45 AM) plantkingdom left the room (quit: Ping timeout).
(02:06:48 AM) Sauzer: have fun in belgium, everyone

It’s a perfect storm scenario

July 16, 2008 at 8:15 pm | In gbs | Leave a Comment
Tags: depression, economy, socialism

1) The big one right now is that the housing market is melting down, and it turns out that huge sections of our economy were based entirely on the housing market booming forever. Well, the laws of gravity reasserted themselves (as they always do), and the damage keeps spreading and magnifying. Loss of jobs in housing/construction/real estate. Failures of housing companies and mortgage companies. Foreclosures and defaults skyrocket, the value of peoples’ houses plummets. Banks suddenly have a ton of money lent out that will never be paid back on collateral that is suddenly worth a lot less than it was. Banks run out of liquidity, creating a credit crunch. Large chunks of the stock market tank, creating a bear market. There’s a lack of confidence as nobody knows what anything is worth and the various rating agencies go out of business or have zero credibility. New investment dries up, large chunks of the economy screech to a halt simultaneously (in Silicon Valley, not a single VC-funded firm went IPO last quarter [not year]. Not one. And tech is one of the few economic bright spots!). Now, Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, and lots of other foundation-stone too-big-too-fail entities are teetering.

2) The other side of that is with consumer spending. Our economy has been propped up for the last decade by those soaring home values. People borrowed zillions of dollars out of their home equity and pumped it into consumption. How do you think people were able to afford all those SUVs and HDTVs and iPhones in an environment where real wages were flat or declining? They were pre-spending the sale price of their homes. Well, the values of the homes have collapsed and that money spigot is shut off. So suddenly car dealers are seeing their sales collapse. So are chain restaurants. So is Starbucks. There’s been a big shift in spending from national brands to blue-label store brands. And so on. Consumers have suddenly tightened their purse strings.

3) The fall off in consumer spending, along with the collapse in multiple sectors (see 1 above), leads to a shitty job market. Starbucks closes stores, GM lays off workers and closes plants, Indymac lets half its workers go. Hours are cut, benefits are cut, and nobody complains because they’re just happy to have a job.

Can you see the magnifying feedback loops here? The value of houses goes down, so consumers stop spending money like they used to, so jobs are lost, and those unemployed people can’t make their house payments, so they default on their house, so the bank has even more bad debt, which makes the market stagger some more and tightens lending, so there’s no new investment or jobs being created, so sales forecasts are flat, so business lay off workers and cancel plans to expand, and round and round and round and round. Usually, Uncle Sam steps in to clear out bad debt, restore confidence, and prime the pump to keep the economy humming. But…

4) Through bad policy, the government and the Fed don’t have a lot of options. Interest rates are so low, they can’t be cut any more. We’ve been running $300 billion/year deficits for the last 6 years to pay for Bush’s war and “stimulus” tax cuts, so there’s not much more economic stimulus to be pumped into the system. We’ve run up an enormous amount of debt under Bush, which we’ve financed by selling promisory notes overseas (China mostly), which has led to a collapse in the dollar, which is making the price of government borrowing rise even higher. And states are reeling from the loss of property tax revenues, so they’re going to be cutting spending and payments and new projects just when they need to start spending on that stuff to stimulate their economies and deal with increased welfare loads.

5) All of that is bad enough, but we’re also going through a period of elevated supply costs, which makes everything more expensive. Energy costs have doubled, seemingly permanently, resulting in huge disruptions (and they can still go up!) and raising the price of everything. Food costs are skyrocketing, too – because of energy costs, environmental degradation, biofuel diversion, and shifting weather patterns (see 7 below). And lots of other basic commodities are running low – check out the price of copper, or even weird metals with critical industrial uses like tantalum or niobium.

6) Bad policy plus worthless dollars plus spiking commodity costs = inflation. Most of you aren’t old enough to remember pre-1982 America, when inflation was last a problem but I gotta tell ya: it sucked. The only worse was the cure, which was the early Reagan recession that had national unemployment at 10%. Also, this inflationary risk really constrains the Fed’s ability to act. Hope you like your economic slumps long-lasting!

7) And there are a whole bunch of long ignored but worsening problems that are coming due soon. The climate crisis is real, and it’s worsening faster than the consensus projections indicated. The peak oil people are being proven right. Water supplies are becoming a huge problem worldwide. We’ve underinvested in decades in infrastructure – public transit, sewage, water, electrical grid, schools, you name it. Medical costs keep skyrocketing 5-10% a year, every year, with no end in sight. Oh, and the boomers are going to start retiring in about 18 months. And the number of undropped shoes grows exponentially as you stare into the future. What are we gonna do if global fisheries collapse completely, or we can’t get this honeybee disease situation under control? What if a chain of hurricanes leaves Florida devastated? What if the long-predicted avian flu pandemic finally arrives? The problems are global, and economic and ecological crises will lead to all sorts of political and military and economic disruptions that will spell the end of the long peace we’ve had since the end of the Cold War. Think of the 1930s: unstable countries, masses of refugees, charismatic opportunists casting about for scapegoats, dwindling resources – fun!

Add it up, and it’s bad. Real bad. I get a distinct 1970s vibe from the whole thing – from the supply shocks of the early years to the stagflation of the Carter era. And I think it has a great possibility to get worse rather than better. It took Japan 15 years to dig itself out of the hole the 1989 collapse of their property bubble caused them, and their society was at least socialized enough to provide a safety net for people so they wouldn’t be pensionless or homeless or without medical treatment.

And what really has me depressed is the collapse in my faith in our institutions – political, economic, cultural, media – to deal with these problems. You think the American people are capable of making hard choices? You think the media is capable of presenting the problems and the solutions in a way that leads to the right options being supported? You think Wall Street and the GOP (and too many Democrats) won’t figure out a way to make money on this whole thing while sticking us with the bill? How long do you think it’s going to take for it to sink in – REALLY sink in – that people’s houses are never going to be worth what they were five years ago, that the price of gas is never going to go down below $4/gallon, that the stock market might be flat or declining for the next decade (again, like the 1970s)? When are we going to get policy decisions that aren’t just selling magic beans like increased offshore drilling or opening ANWR or coal liquifaction or hydrogen or one-shot stimulus checks or gas tax holidays or (lord help us) more capital gains tax cuts?

TL;DR: Yeah, we’re fucked.

p.s. I didn’t write this, I found it on LF but it’s true, blood. so true.

July 4

July 4, 2008 at 2:26 pm | In gbs | Leave a Comment

When the union’s inspiration through the workers’ blood shall run,

There can be no power greater anywhere beneath the sun;

Yet what force on earth is weaker than the feeble strength of one,

But the union makes us strong.

CHORUS:

Solidarity forever,

For the union makes us strong.

Is there aught we hold in common with the greedy parasite,

Who would lash us into serfdom and would crush us with his might?

Is there anything left to us but to organize and fight?

For the union makes us strong.

It is we who plowed the prairies; built the cities where they trade;

Dug the mines and built the workshops, endless miles of railroad laid;

Now we stand outcast and starving midst the wonders we have made;

But the union makes us strong.

All the world that’s owned by idle drones is ours and ours alone.

We have laid the wide foundations; built it skyward stone by stone.

It is ours, not to slave in, but to master and to own.

While the union makes us strong.

They have taken untold millions that they never toiled to earn,

But without our brain and muscle not a single wheel can turn.

We can break their haughty power, gain our freedom when we learn

That the union makes us strong.

In our hands is placed a power greater than their hoarded gold,

Greater than the might of armies, magnified a thousand-fold.

We can bring to birth a new world from the ashes of the old

For the union makes us strong.

161

June 2, 2008 at 10:58 pm | In gbs | Leave a Comment

161 Time and space—past event—150 yrs ago—unexplained. Modern period—person intensely homesick for past says or does something which is psychically transmitted back and actually causes the past event.

www.porn239.com 55 HOT sites for free! a oppositipinnate

May 31, 2008 at 7:04 am | In gbs | 1 Comment

=(I have heard. He seduced her. She had become an unfortunate being,by}

USA! USA! Play your way so we can pay

May 29, 2008 at 11:32 pm | In gbs | Leave a Comment

“I don’t think the Professor would like to come,” said Sylvie.

May 25, 2008 at 7:40 pm | In gbs | Leave a Comment

the pain makes me remember i am alive

May 22, 2008 at 10:13 pm | In mental health journal | Leave a Comment

(10:02:38 PM) onbrokenice: whats up alec
(10:02:43 PM) ahw00: grah
(10:02:52 PM) ahw00: just got back from bazbeauxz w/ ehw
(10:03:00 PM) onbrokenice: how was that
(10:03:28 PM) ahw00: it was fine had a beer w/ my bro but there were all these yuppie hamilton county republican fucks there and it harshed my buzzzzzz u know
(10:03:34 PM) onbrokenice: haha
(10:04:15 PM) ahw00: I am going to get in so many bar fights later in life
(10:04:26 PM) onbrokenice: o jeez
(10:04:27 PM) onbrokenice: that guy
(10:04:30 PM) onbrokenice: thats what i do when i am drunk
(10:04:34 PM) onbrokenice: good thing im not in a bar
(10:05:09 PM) ahw00: and it wasn’t even about dumb shit this guy was all like ALL ENVIRONMENTALISTS ARE DOUCHEBAGS and they had the hdtvs on fox news hannity & colmes adn grararfogihaerfih
(10:05:33 PM) ahw00: I was so ready to break a rollin rock bottle on this fuckers forehead
(10:05:57 PM) ahw00: YOU ARE THE REASON GAS IS $4 A GALLON YOU W04 BASTARD
(10:06:17 PM) ahw00: I’ll spend a night in noblesville for my beliefs
(10:07:00 PM) onbrokenice: barfights wont change anything though
(10:07:06 PM) ahw00: yeahz
(10:08:35 PM) ahw00: it wasn’t like damn nigga why you gotta step on my nikes son it was like I am morally opposed to your way of life and you would look better w/ glass embedded in yr forehead
(10:09:05 PM) onbrokenice: nikes are better
(10:09:06 PM) onbrokenice: lol
(10:09:11 PM) ahw00: nikes are better

r u looking to BUY Bacheelor/MasteerMBA/Doctoraate dip1omas? read more her bsxt krsgnc jza

May 7, 2008 at 6:17 pm | In mental health journal | Leave a Comment

Emilio Maldonado to me

show details 2:21 AM (15 hours ago)

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why yes, emilio maldonado yes I am looking to buy a Doctoraate dip1omas

no elf should be troy

April 30, 2008 at 5:29 pm | In gbs | 2 Comments

starstroke liquorice ( tinstuff alani patrolled , solecistic okeh caiman decompensated slub% silicifluoride progredient sericea protorosauroidg

maybe

April 13, 2008 at 3:30 am | In gbs | Leave a Comment

joy division on youtube is my generation’s beatles on ed sullivan

April 5, 2008 at 6:27 am | In links or some shit, mental health journal | Leave a Comment

wigtail

March 31, 2008 at 8:19 pm | In gbs | Leave a Comment

azotised wigtail scraggy hygienic. reactionarism religiously, flipperling overstrictness, syntactics chilling mortify moundwork sannyasin dimastigate

sectoring threadflower taurite cardophagus. tiepins nontannin, surgeonless solvation, scare.

gd it

March 21, 2008 at 12:58 pm | In gbs | Leave a Comment

I’m a tree, man

March 20, 2008 at 1:47 am | In gbs | Leave a Comment

there is no such thing as a fakepost

March 2, 2008 at 5:40 pm | In gbs | 1 Comment
Tags: cuttlefish

The great enemy of clear language is insincerity. When there is a gap between one’s real and one’s declared aims, one turns as it were instinctively to long words and exhausted idioms, like a cuttlefish spurting out ink.
- George Orwell

that groundhog lied to us

February 29, 2008 at 9:45 am | In gbs | Leave a Comment

The guard raised her spear in a quick salute, then marched resolutely Keep cool, keep calm. That guy was nothing but a bunch of electronicstilled, silent-dead?together, to organize, to rehearse

Let me guess. With a buffet of fried chicken and watermelon?

February 28, 2008 at 2:47 pm | In gbs | Leave a Comment
Tags: buffet, fired chicken, watermelon

cattle industry

February 18, 2008 at 4:25 pm | In gbs | Leave a Comment
Tags: David Icke, Reptilian Brain, Reptilian Takeover

Global Warming –> Greenhouse Gases –> Methane –> Cattle Industry –> Meat Products –> McDonald’s –> Hot Coffee –> Sexual Violence –> Grand Theft Auto –> Murder Simulator –> Military Training –> Mind Control –> Domestication –> Cattle Industry –> Meat Products –> McDonald’s –> Happy Meal –> Processed foods –> Lobbyists –> FDA –> Pharmaceuticals –> Ritalin –> Mind Control –> Domestication –> Cattle Industry –> Meat Products –> McDonald’s –> Grease –> Oil –> Obesity –> Heart Attacks –> Mass Death –> Survival of the Fittest –> Food Chain –> Cattle Industry –> Meat Products –> McDonald’s –> Corporate Franchise –> Globalization –> New World Order –> Neoconservatives –> Oil –> Iraq War –> Westernization –> McDonald’s –> Golden Arches –> Gold Standard –> Ron Paul –> Libertarianism –> Survival of the Fittest –> Social Darwinism –> Evolutionism –> “Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth” –> Reptilian Takeover –> Cold-Blooded –> Warmer Climate –> Global Warming –> Greenhouse Gases –> Car Exhaust –> Gasoline –> Oil –> Underground Caverns –> Spiderholes –> Al Qaeda –> Terrorism –> 9/11 –> “Let’s Roll” –> Fox News –> Propaganda –> Mind Control –> Domestication –> Cattle Industry –> Meat Products –> McDonald’s –> Carnivorism –> –> Secrets of the Matrix –> Zion –> Underground Caverns –> Hollow Earth –> Nazi Mysticism –> Hitler –> Eugenics –> Evolutionism –> “Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth” –> Extinction Event –> Asteroid –> Apocalypse –> Revelation –> Biblical Prophecy –> Dragons –> Serpent –> Satan –> Hell on Earth –> Underground Caverns

fiat lux

February 12, 2008 at 10:29 am | In gbs | Leave a Comment
Tags: corpusculous vernon anodized trothless coplanarity chim, jawboning dormer economists. fiducia mixing undershrub

jawboning dormer economists. fiducia mixing undershrub civilizer celestine criminologies pamphletic, corpusculous vernon anodized trothless coplanarity chimed lyrically navigable nadiral confuser ghanian!

wooop

February 3, 2008 at 8:52 am | In gbs | Leave a Comment

im the worst lf poster

sir edmund hillary

January 11, 2008 at 12:26 am | In gbs | Leave a Comment

I remember she said once

“if I ever knew for a fact that I was going to die

(like if I got a disease or something)

I would do every drug there is”

I said

babe I’ve got news for you

bears

January 9, 2008 at 4:51 pm | In gbs | Leave a Comment

if i were an animal id be a bear
id be a big black bear
theyre cute
they go to sleep for a long time
they have a big sleep
i get tired a lot
bears are powerful
me too

nb

December 22, 2007 at 10:34 pm | In gbs | Leave a Comment

remix flying burrito brothers – wheels

get new headphones

protip

cui gives a shit

November 30, 2007 at 3:01 am | In gbs | Leave a Comment

Brutus et erat forti / Caesar et sum iam / Brutus sic in omnibus / Caesar sic intram.

bootstraps

November 24, 2007 at 2:56 am | In gbs | Leave a Comment

5 adalt sites for free

October 17, 2007 at 12:45 am | In gbs | Leave a Comment

Cecelia <tonyjppz@awtrey.com>

to me

show details

9:41 pm (3 hours ago)

here
www girlsoffer cn

pushes recapitalized debited introversion
flashlights rebelief anthracyl
amended muggish internationally padouk
currying delineate Otto

note to self

September 25, 2007 at 8:31 pm | In my desktop | Leave a Comment
Tags: cats, dogs, pet food

remix struggleburger – chewing gum with my mouth open

BiPolar Bear

August 2, 2007 at 4:18 pm | In mental health journal, my desktop | Leave a Comment

I have had a lot of problems with control …. But I can convey this

to you…

Lows are followed by Highs and the If you can keep highs in control..

the lows will be better … It is ok to sleep but only for hour or so during

the day…

To control Lows you must do something you enjoy … If this

happens your highs will be in control… with Medication… too …

Lows will come not so low and there again you should keep active

only with thinks that keep your mind from running top speed…

Hope this will help you… It is a battle but well worth the work

it takes…

Grandpa … Glenn

low authorit\arinanssssaism

July 11, 2007 at 5:46 pm | In gbs, mental health journal | Leave a Comment

Benevolent Creator

Diphen

July 1, 2007 at 3:59 pm | In gbs | Leave a Comment

Oral Diphenhydramine Dosages (Recreational)
Threshold	10mg
Light	25-150 mg
Common	150-300 mg
Strong	250-500 mg
Heavy	400-700
LD50 (Lethal Dose*)	500 mg/kg in rats

EFFECTS LIST #

POSITIVE

Increased awareness and appreciation of music
Dreamlike experiences
Muscle relaxation

NEUTRAL

Visual and auditory hallucinations, visuals
Unusual thoughts and speech
Flushed skin

NEGATIVE

Sensitivity to sunlight
Loss of coordination
Dry mouth
Blurred vision
Confusion, disorientation
Dizziness
Drowsiness during daytime
Muscle cramps
Nausea, vomitting (at higher doses)
Nervousness
Difficulty differentiating hallucinations from reality

Higher doses are often accompanied by hallucinations (seeing and interacting with people, creatures, or objects that aren’t there, or NOT seeing things that are actually there, like cars) and dissociation.

a prayer

June 26, 2007 at 10:41 pm | In gbs | Leave a Comment

to the one true god above

here is my prayer

not the first you’ve heard

but the first I’ve wrote

not the first but the others

were a long time ago

there are two people here

and I want you to kill them

her

she can go quietly

by disease or a blow

to the base of her neck

where her necklaces close

where her garments come together

where I used to lay my face

that’s where I want you to kill her

in that particular place

him just fucking kill him

I don’t care if it hurts

yes I do

I want it to

fucking kill him but first

make him cry like a woman

no particular woman

make him hold out

hold back

someway or other I know

another song

June 19, 2007 at 1:46 am | In gbs | Leave a Comment

I know it’s over
And it never really began
But in my heart, it was so real.
And you even spoke to me, and said :
“If you’re so funny
Then why are you on your own tonight ?
And if you’re so clever
Then why are you on your own tonight ?”

I know …
’cause tonight – it’s just like any other night
That’s why you’re on your own tonight
Your triumphs and your charms
While they’re in each other’s arms…

dxm log 6/15/2007

June 16, 2007 at 11:34 pm | In gbs | Leave a Comment

11:34p dosed 600-800mg pure dxm power

procured from dan0

originally andycro 4/29 via purdue

shooting for hard

songs about jocelyn

June 12, 2007 at 10:49 am | In gbs | Leave a Comment

i had tender feelings that you made hard
but it’s your heart, not mine, that’s scarred
so when i go home i’ll be happy to go
you’re just somebody that i used to know
you don’t need my help anymore
it’s all now to you, there ain’t no before
now that you’re big enough to run your own show
you’re just somebody that i used to know
i watched you deal in a dying day
and throw the living past away
so you can be sure that you’re in control
you’re just somebody that i used to know
i know you don’t think you did me wrong
and i can’t stay this way for long
keeping ahold of what you just let go
you’re just somebody that i used to know

page 4

June 9, 2007 at 11:45 pm | In mental health journal, my desktop | Leave a Comment

4:30pm MAW, MHW, came tyo family froup. and visited from 2p to 4:30pm Also EHW brought his old Birkenstocks asa well as two poloi shirts 6 ice mountain spring waters, Kurt Vonnegut’s the Sirens of Titan, and most importantly, Philip K. Dick’s

VALIS

which is his exegisis, much of which was written during the author’s extended stay in a mental health facility sucha s this pone. It is autobiographical and a perfect counterpoint to TIMEQUAKE.

It is also the most appropriate book to read while in a facility of this kind.

PKD was crazy. He took thousands of amphetamine pills. He was also genius. Twentyfive years after his death his works are more relevent than ever (plus you sure can make a killer movie screenplay out of him). I believe wholeheartedly thtat decades from now PKD will be seen as a prophet of the MENTAL HEALTH ENVIRONMENT, as high literature, as roman a clef fiction, and not as sci-fi pulp.

page 3

June 9, 2007 at 11:36 pm | In mental health journal | Leave a Comment

1:34p as is customary when meeting a professional in this country, and furthermore is my custom.

Over the course of the NEXT 45 MIN. or so, Danny would ask my for my name an additional four times, and call me ALEX twice.

Danny holds authority over me and my peers. Continuous, frustrating intractions with authority figures (as well as AUTHORITARIANS)

are what land people in mental health facilities in the first place. The face that Danny did not expect me, an inpatient, to offfer my hand as an introduction, or to expect him to correctly remember my name is a constant frustration. Anger at the system inevitablyr results in a longer stay. and eventual committment.

1:46p Philip K. Dick spent months in facilities such as this one. He is my daily inspiration, my mentor, confidant, and friend. He was also terminally insane, either from his own drug use (which according to his daughter on the commentary track to the “A Scanner Darkly” (2006) DVD, was limited to amphetamines. He would have loved adderrol XR). , or perhaps simply from the over-exposure to the mental health environment of Southern California in the 1960’s.

2p visitation. expecting EHW and possibly Amy. 3pgs/hr is a decent rate

page 2

June 9, 2007 at 11:30 pm | In mental health journal | Leave a Comment

1:20p

Than I do most authority figures, including staff clinicians, law enforcement, and my parents. This goes without saying. I’m not writing this for me, you realize. Hi. How are you?

Yesterday, my parents visited from 6p-7, bringing a bag of clothes and toiletries. Said bag awas clearly labelled in BLACK SHARPIE on white tape, “ALEC W.” This bag would need to be inspected for contraband, of course, adding yet another level of bureacrazy crazy bureau bureacracy? to this whole ordeal.

Neal, a simpatico, would inspect it as superficially as he woiuld allow himself, out of respect for me and my privacy, which I certainly apprecitate.

however.

My bag resided under the desk at which a staff member, bald, quadrupally piercecd with gold hoop earriongs and sporting (NO JOKE) Rose-tinted glasses, sat. Danny, “I’ve only been on this UNIT for THREE DAYS!” he snapped.

I asked him for my bag. “Which bag?” – the one by yr foot w/ my name on it – (In fact, the only bag in sight, clearly labelled) “What is your name?” – Alec. A L E C. – it says so on my bag. – I shook his hand

page 1

June 9, 2007 at 11:24 pm | In mental health journal, my desktop | Leave a Comment

5/20

2007

1pm

Talked with Vjay after lunch.

An Argentine supporter, his favorite team is (Maradona’s ) BOCA Juniors. Grr.

In the 4th grade I dedicated my support

to the Red and White of RIVER PLATE ,

an entirely arbitrary decision which has arbitrarily created a conflict, however trivial, between my closest peer in this facility and myself.

At least he’s no ROMAnisto.

Vijay is one of many fascinating characters in this locked down facility. The dozen or so I have interacted with have given me endlesss food for thought as to the nature of my own insanity.

Only two people on the UNIT can truly be considered certifiably bonkers:

1.) Anna G, ex-stripper, porn star, and groupie, whose psychosis is typical of that sort of female. (see Jessica Silottto).

2.) Diana, who has suffered some sort of amnesia. she is the nice sort of crazy. I helped her locate her clearly labelled room this morning.

Despite their insanity, or perhaps on account of it, I value these characters opinions MORE

6/9 DXM log

June 9, 2007 at 10:09 pm | In gbs | 1 Comment

at 9:49pm in the westfield target parking lot I took:

20 * 15mg Robotussin CoughGels = 3oomg DXM

enough for a “common” to “strong” trip

10:09pm: shooting for common
10:19pm: had wendy’s junior bacon cheeseburger + small fries for dinner

also won $0.86 playing backgammon; looking to dominate a tourney later

10:39p: jocelyn called me. called me a sociopath and told meshe never wants to see me again. neat. felt nauseous after talking to her, while smoking an american spirit perique blend cigarette, but did not vomit. Remembered that I took 200mg caffeine before wendy’s run.

inventory: $1.17, infinite supply ice mountain spring water, 6 Natural American Spirit Periques, 6 hand rolled unfiltered TOP cigarettes, some resin, erinbowl, pam513bowl, missouri meerscham pipe and 4 varieties of pipe tobacco. internet.

10:49pm: Starting to feelit. typing affected.

11:17pm: awyeahz facebook iLike challenge I;m coming for that number 1 spot

11:41pm: this is hard. what am I accomplishing tonight? just spilled ice mt all over modelm. I will go skating alter . later.

11:53pm; parents going tobed = ahw goes for a smoke brb perique timez aweyahzx

goddamnit old people go to bed seriously

12:33am: won another $0.86 ongammonempire. tourney @1am awyewahz get ready

12:40a: I wish Icould feel my tongue.1:27a:

I
feel

perfectg

323am : sober, model m is dead thanks to a water spillage at the peak of the trip.

amber macdonald

June 9, 2007 at 1:46 am | In gbs | Leave a Comment

“I just wanted to let you know that I hope you contract aids. No, I take that back, you’d probably end up giving it to some innocent girl that you sexually assault, so instead, I hope you get penile cancer and your weak, worthless, little dick falls off, you piece of shit (who is so pathetic you have to pin a 115 lb. girl to a couch and degrade her to feel like a man).”

-Amber Macdonald.

erin is as crazy as I am

May 28, 2007 at 4:39 pm | In f1, gbs, my desktop, tns | Leave a Comment

Sh1shKaBaby: http://www.scubb.com/images/products/PC%20momo%20racing%20force%20SW%20LT_box.jpg
Sh1shKaBaby: i need this.
Sh1shKaBaby: hm..
ahw00: oh god yes ahw00: get me one too ahw00: then we can race
Sh1shKaBaby: haha. too bad they’re 100 bucks.
ahw00: I would take one with less buttons ahw00: for less money
Sh1shKaBaby: i’ve spent the last day and a half rebuilding my computer in order to need for speed carbon to run properly.
ahw00: baller
Sh1shKaBaby: *for
ahw00: we honestly do need to race
16:23
Sh1shKaBaby: haha. go buy the game. along with a dvd drive. and a joy stick of some kind.
ahw00: dl’ing now
Sh1shKaBaby: unless you feel like using arrow keys.
ahw00: I have a ps2 style gamepad
Sh1shKaBaby: you’re downloading nfs carbon?
ahw00: which works pretty well
ahw00: yeah its 2.83GB
Sh1shKaBaby: sweeeet.
Sh1shKaBaby: that sounds about right.
ahw00: dvd
Sh1shKaBaby: dude. we can have our own guild thing.
Sh1shKaBaby: online. and be badasses.
ahw00: oh yeahzzzzzz
Sh1shKaBaby: you have to have some sort of fucking device thing.
ahw00: I have all kinds of devices
Sh1shKaBaby: ATI or something that’s not intel.
Sh1shKaBaby: it says on the box.
Sh1shKaBaby: i just don’t remember what it says.
ahw00: ati radeon 9000 which is pretty old but should do the trick
Sh1shKaBaby: yeah.
ahw00: it ran the older need for speed: shiny edition game
Sh1shKaBaby: hm..
Sh1shKaBaby: i think it will. i could go look if i really needed to.
ahw00: well I will find out once I dl another 2.82GBs of shininess
Sh1shKaBaby: but not, we bought a sound card because it had a game controller adapter in it.
Sh1shKaBaby: so i could use my old skool nascar steering wheel.
ahw00: awyeaz
ahw00: that excites me
Sh1shKaBaby: but it doesn’t friggin work.
ahw00: we can fix it
Sh1shKaBaby: because it’s not USB.
ahw00: damn
ahw00: serial?
ahw00: I have a serial -> usb dealie
Sh1shKaBaby: i dunno. i assume so.
Sh1shKaBaby: i’m just gonna go buy one.
ahw00: is it like an old printer hookup sortof
Sh1shKaBaby: they’re like.. 90 bucks at fry’s.
ahw00: k well don’t throw away the old one because I can use it
Sh1shKaBaby: kay.
Sh1shKaBaby: it still works, just not for what i want it for.
ahw00: and then we can dominate the mean internet streets like the internet mexicans we are
Sh1shKaBaby: yesss
ahw00: fcuk 2.83gb is the xbox360 version
ahw00: the full dvd is 3.96 ahh this will take a while
Sh1shKaBaby: hah. it’s hella big.
Sh1shKaBaby: it takes forever to load just to start up.
ahw00: yeah I’ve been working on my desktop for like 18hrs straight just getting things cleaned up and reformatted
ahw00: bc my laptop is dead
Sh1shKaBaby: i need to do that.
Sh1shKaBaby: and delete a bunch of stuff.
Sh1shKaBaby: what’d you do to it?
ahw00: nothing it just had a way too powerful processor in it which overheated all the time and I think blew out the power supply
ahw00: which is replaceable but would require a trip to fry’s
Sh1shKaBaby: i need to go there anyway.
ahw00: well hey
Sh1shKaBaby: to get my steering wheel.
Sh1shKaBaby: do you have money?
ahw00: $2.25 + ($paycheck tomorrow-$160 ticket) + ($51 other check tomorrow) = not really\
Sh1shKaBaby: hah. sucks.
ahw00: but if need for speed runs on this here desktop I have everything I need
Sh1shKaBaby: sweeet.
Sh1shKaBaby: how are you downloading it?
ahw00: including a clicky clicky IBM keyboard like your dad has a closet full of
ahw00: bittorrent
ahw00: http://thepiratebay.org/tor/3630472/%5BPC-Game%5DNeed_for_Speed_Carbon_-_Edition_Razor_1911.iso
Sh1shKaBaby: sweet.
Sh1shKaBaby: yeah. he’s got closets full of everything.
ahw00: your dad is pretty much my hero btw
Sh1shKaBaby: he had that ATI thing just sitting on a shelf.
16:33
Sh1shKaBaby: haha he’s awesome.
Sh1shKaBaby: my brother’s the same way.
Sh1shKaBaby: i decided not to be a computer geek for the rest of my life. i’d probably be pretty good at it tho.
Sh1shKaBaby: dude. i’m hungry.
ahw00: me tooo
Sh1shKaBaby: i’m going to go eat and go to fry’s. let me know when/if nfs works.
ahw00: k
Sh1shKaBaby: and we’ll rule the internet.
Sh1shKaBaby: because i’m kind of scared to play against people.
ahw00: will do I’ll get on that
Sh1shKaBaby: real, live people.
ahw00: real live mexican people
Sh1shKaBaby: haha.
ahw00: it’s not like your machismo is at stake or anything
Sh1shKaBaby: rela live gamer people who do nothing but sit around and play nfs carbon.
ahw00: likely
Sh1shKaBaby: *real
ahw00: except they are all on xbox360 the mexicans are the ones dl’ing 4GB dvd images so they don’t have to spend any money
Sh1shKaBaby: yeah.
Sh1shKaBaby: okay well.. i’ll be back.
Sh1shKaBaby: toodles.
ahw00: (because they only have 500 pesos)
ahw00: later!

F1 2007 fastest lap

May 27, 2007 at 10:39 pm | In f1, gbs | Leave a Comment

Grand Prix	Driver	Team	Average Speed	AHW PR	Time

Australian	Kimi Räikkönen	Ferrari	215.893	(1:38.863)	1:25.235

Malaysian	Lewis Hamilton	McLaren-Mercedes	201.893	(1:43.339)	1:36.701

Bahrain	Felipe Massa	Ferrari	197.887	(1:24.xxx)	1:34.067

Spanish	Felipe Massa	Ferrari	198.102	(1:24.782)	1:22.680

Monaco	Fernando Alonso	McLaren-Mercedes	155.551	(1:23.580)	1:15.284

Canadian				(1:22.695)	(x:xx.xxx)

United States					(x:xx.xxx)

French					(x:xx.xxx)

British					(x:xx.xxx)

European					(x:xx.xxx)

Hungarian					(x:xx.xxx)

Turkish					(x:xx.xxx)

Italian					(x:xx.xxx)

Belgian					(x:xx.xxx)

Japanese					(x:xx.xxx)

China					(x:xx.xxx)

Brazilian				(x:xx.xxx)

test

May 26, 2007 at 7:18 pm | In gbs | Leave a Comment

Alec Williams’ Facebook profile

cont.

May 26, 2007 at 6:11 pm | In gbs | Leave a Comment

onbrokenice: kk
onbrokenice: what did you get in past hour
ahw00: fbook audio ahw00: gs:\ ahw00: alecwill.freeshell.org

onbrokenice: so with fboook audio you’re going to launch a projmal fbook invasion?
ahw00: get everyone who has ever heard me talk about pm to add audio to their profiles ahw00: infectious ahw00: I will pay people if necessary
ahw00: this is my total networking solution
ahw00: eventually sell 30sec ringtones and make a full length ringtone album
ahw00: sell through myspace etc ahw00: still uploading rdam
onbrokenice: i like the idea

my total networking solution

May 26, 2007 at 6:08 pm | In gbs, tns | Leave a Comment

Conversation with onbrokenice

onbrokenice: get gspace extension for f-fox

ahw00 <AUTO-REPLY> : watching monaco qualifying w/ MAW

ahw00: link

onbrokenice: http://www.getgspace.com/

ahw00: have you seen fbook audio

ahw00: this is the future

onbrokenice: no what isi t

ahw00: audio on facebook

ahw00: myspace infection

onbrokenice: like myspace music

ahw00: sortof

onbrokenice: wow, on broadband, i can upload a full movie to gmail in prob 10-15 min

ahw00: baller

ahw00: so where is gspace in ffox now

ahw00: that I’ve installed it

onbrokenice: gspace is private 2.8gb freeshell

onbrokenice: tools – gspace

onbrokenice: its pretty sweet

ahw00: sure enough

onbrokenice: and google goliath has amazing upload speeds

ahw00: gs:\

ahw00: 2.8GB from anywhere I love you google

onbrokenice: wait try uploading like a 30mb clip

onbrokenice: they might have size limits

ahw00: now how to link to files on gspace

ahw00: url?

onbrokenice: you cant, its private storage

ahw00: ah

onbrokenice: you have to send them to people

ahw00: neat

onbrokenice: its in your email acct

ahw00: fbook apps are amazing

onbrokenice: ?

ahw00: Search for and listen to audio in our library of user-submitted files, and add your favorite to your Facebook profile. You can also see what your friends have on their profiles on one simple page.

ABOUT AUTOPLAY:

Iknow some of you guys want to be able to autoplay files… But I’msorry to inform you that my friends at Facebook are extremely opposedto this, and they’ve made sure that nobody can make an app thatautoplays. Just one of those things that makes Facebook a different(better?) place than those, um, “other” social network sites, ya know?

ahw00: this alone will convert people to the fbook matrix

onbrokenice: yeah

onbrokenice: autoplays piss me off

onbrokenice: esp w/ 2+ on a page

ahw00: ugh y

ahw00: fbook + gmail + gs:\ = new OS

ahw00: accessible from anywhere

ahw00: actually this is what iGoogle is

onbrokenice: send arbitrary an email

ahw00: will do

onbrokenice: eh nvm

onbrokenice: i dont like this gmail notifier

ahw00: aha bluh added to ahw fbook

ahw00: I have 180 projmal files on my computer

ahw00: check that 217

ahw00: 71 mp3s

onbrokenice: put them on gspace

ahw00: will do

onbrokenice: for backup

ahw00: y

ahw00: and eventual fbook/myspace release

onbrokenice: do it

onbrokenice: did you ever finish rotterdam album

onbrokenice: i dont understand applications

ahw00: rotterdam will never be finished

ahw00: do you want a copy of my latest ver

onbrokenice: y

ahw00: gmailing

ahw00: 8/1/06

onbrokenice: explain applicaitnos

ahw00: flash apps for calendars, music, etc

ahw00: the audio one streams an mp3 from an external (non-fbook) url

onbrokenice: i feel like its equivalent to firefox extensions

ahw00: except shared with entire fbook friend list

ahw00: networking

ahw00: ahh the consequences are mind boggling

ahw00: the mind boggles

onbrokenice: jesus there are thousands of apps

ahw00: not letting me upload .zip to gs:\

onbrokenice: dont list it as a hostile file

ahw00: did that

onbrokenice: maybe you have to do it manually then

ahw00: aha

onbrokenice: or are zips blocked

onbrokenice: what?

ahw00: doing it manually

ahw00: might be blocked

ahw00: uploading directory instead

ahw00: wow the past hour has increased my desktop functionality by 200x

ahw00: I feel so evolved

ahw00: ah actually this rotterdam ver is from 11/2005

ahw00: mostly completed in may, 2005

ahw00: needs production

You were sick, butnowyou’rewell

May 23, 2007 at 1:00 pm | In gbs | Leave a Comment

ahw00: laurie when are you done with class

rckyrd8: for the day or for the semester
rckyrd8 is no longer away.

both

rckyrd8: noon everyday and it ends the 7th of june

neat

are you doing well?

rckyrd8: i doing very well how are you doing

better than ever

I had an incredibly important weekend

rckyrd8: oh do share

did I tell you about the stress center

rckyrd8: no

rckyrd8: explain your story i need to go grab a paper towel

well I spent the weekend in St Vincent’s Stress Center, which is an inpatient mental health facility in Indianapolis, part of the larger st vincent’s hospital.
I signed myself in on friday night at my parent’s request
they were worried about me
on thursday night skoog called me to see if I could hang out or something
I was angry about my car
did I tell you about that whole situation
the impound lot and the license plate and whatnot
well in any event I was really frustrated about my car getting stolen by the carmel police dept
and I was sortof venting my frustration to skoog
and I said something
I was joking, being sarcastic

12:15

my friend amy who I was eating dinner with at the time laughed at my comment because she knew I was joking and it was pretty ridiculous… I was just angry and letting off steam
well skoog took what I said seriously

rckyrd8: what did you say

doesn’t matter I didn’t mean it

rckyrd8: ok

skoog irritates a lot of people because she doesn’t always understand social context
but she’s also brilliant so it doesn’t really affect her
so amy and I went off and had an adventure

rckyrd8: aka had sex

no actually not she has a bf who is in the army

amy is a good friend of mine
I hadn’t seen her in 2 years
her brother killed himself our senior year
I knew him a little bit, gave him a ride home a couple of times
he was a good kid
anyway I didn’t see amy very much after that
she stayed in indianapolis and goes to herron school of art, which is at iupui
skoog and my parents thought I was suicidal
I’m not
amy knew I wasn’t because, in her words, I was talking about the future and suicidal people don’t do that.
I think amy knows a thing or two about suicidal people
anyway my parents were insisting that I check into this stress center
and that if I didn’t go voluntarily they would call the police and have them take me in
so I went
under the stipulation that my dad would help me get my car back to the best of his ability
so he agreed and I went
I spent the weekend in a locked down mental health facility
I brought one book with me
started it on friday and finished it on monday right before I was released

I had plenty of time to read and write in a journal and think about my life and how I had gotten myself into such a mess
people at the stress center go for one of three reasons
either they have chemical dependency issues, and are detoxing from alcohol or heroin or cocaine
or they have mental health problems, like depression and anxiety, panic attacks and that sort of thing
or they come from the emergency room because they attempted suicide
well I was MH

12:25

I met a lot of fascinating people who were in there last weekend
only two were certifiably bonkers
but they had some really incredible things to say
I got a lot of things in my head sorted out
I was also diagnosed with manic-type bipolar disorder
which runs in my mother’s family
(obviously)

rckyrd8 has become idle.

it was a great experience for me because I had 3 days where I was disconnected and could not sit and worry about my fucking car or my job or losing my friends after my head injury or losing you or my mom being disappointed or failing out of purdue
I just had to worry about me
I’m going to iupui in the fall
I stopped doing drugs
my CT scan on my brain on tuesday came back fine
I’m healthy and I have a better understanding of who I am and why I am this way

also my dad is on my side again
and he’s talking about buying me a much better car after we get this current situation resolved
so that was my weekend
how was yours

CINCO DE MAYO

May 5, 2007 at 4:17 pm | In gbs, my desktop, tns | Leave a Comment

cinco de mayo

ismail ax

April 23, 2007 at 9:11 pm | In gbs | Leave a Comment

Oh, you look so tired
Mouth slack and wide
Ill housed and ill advised
Your face is as mean as your life has been

Crash into my arms
I want you
You don’t agree, but you don’t refuse
I know you

And I know a place
Where no one is likely to pass
Oh, you don’t care if it’s late
And you don’t care if you’re lost

And, oh, you look so tired
But tonight you presume too much
Too much
Too much
And if it’s the last thing I ever do,
I’m gonna get you.

Crash into my arms
I want you
You don’t agree, but you don’t refuse
I know you

And no one knows a thing about my life
I can come and go as I please
If I want to I can stay
Or if I want to I can leave
Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me

the smiths – jack the ripper

and if the day came when I felt a natural emotion
I’d get such a shock I’d probably jump in the ocean
and when a train rolls by it’s such a sad thing

and when I’m lying in my bed

I think about life and I think about death

and neither one

particularly

appeals to me

mishka